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"It little profits that an idle king, By this still hearth, among these barren crags, Match'd with an ag├Ęd wife, I mete and dole Unequal laws unto a savage race, That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me."

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Girlfriend Maintenance Allowance

(a fictitious glance at burning election issues in future elections)

Chennai, c. 2011 AD - In a bid to garner the attention of the youth of the State, the main opposition party has announced, as part of its election manifesto, a new allowance called GilMA - Girlfriend Maintenance Allowance. When asked, party sources informed this reporter that the people of this state who were given land, food, clothing and entertainment for free, are now clamouring for new and improved freebies.

It has come to light that whenever a boy and a girl go out on a date, it is the poor guy who has to spend a fortune on his lass. This imbalance has resulted in a statewide protest by the youth to bring down prices of cinema tickets, gift articles and designer apparel. An appalled government has been at pains to set right the situation in the state.

In an exclusive interview the leader of Opposition in the Assembly argues that if the Opposition is voted to power, they will dole out Rs. 2000 every month as an allowance to every committed male in the State. This money is exempt from taxes. The leader of the Opposition also enlightens us by putting forth the theory that such an allowance would add to the spending power of the youth of State, thus spurring economic growth in the State.

This new TV ad is the craze of the state.

Cut - three or four guys in some college campus. One person ventures "Dey, namma mattum thaan kaasu selavu pannanuma? Indha ponnunga purse-i veliya edukka maattaangala? Namakku eppoda vidivu kaalam varum?" ("Why should only boys spend on girls? Will they never take out their purses? When will this situation change?") - cut - "Enga katchikku vote podunga. Maasam 2000 rupaai vaangikkunga. Jolly-a enjoy pannunga!" ("Vote for our party. Get 2000 rupees per month. Enjoy!")

Arguably, the ruling party is baffled by this new election assurance by the Opposition. Not wanting to be left behind, it has just now come up with a better scheme. It has announced an allowance Rs 25,000 per year for all males between the ages of 18 and 30 in the state, irrespective of whether they have girlfriends or not. Also, there is a rumour that the Government is considering an additional allowance of Rs 25,000 per extra girlfriend, upto a maximum of 3! Sources close to the ruling party reveal that a special scheme, targeting single-and-looking males called GAG - Get A Girlfriend - is also on the cards.

16 Comments:

Blogger Ajit said...

Ha ha.. Awesome one!!...:-)

5/02/2006 11:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Outrageously funny!

5/02/2006 11:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anusha said...

Vazhaipazhathula oosi... :)

5/03/2006 12:59:00 AM  
Blogger Subro said...

Very funny. Enjoyed it. I wish it happens.

5/03/2006 03:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Karthik said...

Summa nachunu irukku!

5/03/2006 11:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

super da macha..

slap in the face of DMK and ADMK

i will circulate you article in mail...with your name and ur blog link.. plz write more of these..thanks

5/03/2006 08:33:00 PM  
Blogger Ravptor said...

Nice one! But in hyd, firstly, there should be a campaign to educate girls to get the hell out of the couches and start dating men.

Then comes the whole spending issue.

5/03/2006 11:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Wikipedia said...

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS)Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]

5/03/2006 11:50:00 PM  
Blogger Selva said...

Amazingly written!!!
After a while I have read something creatively funny. I am not a voracious blog reader, but this post is easily the best I have read in the recent past.

5/04/2006 03:29:00 AM  
Blogger Shankar Sridhar said...

awesome! summa gilly mathiri adichutta da!

5/04/2006 06:45:00 AM  
Blogger Vijay said...

Ha..ha..ha.. Very funny...
Seeing these politicians, it might very well happen...

5/05/2006 02:58:00 AM  
Blogger RGMLK said...

EXCELLENT!!! Expertly done, and superbly funny!!!

5/05/2006 08:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GILMA..good innovation. supera irrunthuthu...
K.J.Nitthilan

5/05/2006 11:46:00 AM  
Anonymous tamizhan said...

Er, it is the other way around, in the case of yours truly.. :)

5/06/2006 04:49:00 AM  
Blogger Balaji said...

*tha.. semma kalaai...

5/08/2006 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger Giridhar said...

yaarupa antha katchi...solunga...yen pathu viralayum...ink oothi 10 times votu podurain...;-)

5/09/2006 10:03:00 PM  

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